I was brushing my teeth with some "Crest with Peroxide & Scope(TM)" or "Colgate with Baking Soda and Whitening Formula" or one of those toothpastes that have a million different things in them, and I came up with something ingenious.
New, from Johnston Pharmaceuticals (which exists): "Balanced: The Toothpaste With Breakfast!"
In addition to fluoride, baking soda and whitening agents, Balanced comes complete with all the elements of that mythical balanced breakfast you always see in cereal ads. Every toothbrush-sized droplet of Balanced contains, in convenient paste form...
-three strips of crispy bacon
-two eggs, scrambled (fried and over easy varieties coming soon)
-an 8 ounce glass of milk
-an 8 ounce glass of orange juice
-two slices of toast
-one bowl of sugar-free cereal
-the morning paper
9 out of 10 dentists agree: That other guy's just being contrary.
Balanced- Because Why Eat Your Breakfast?
Coming soon to a tooth-care aisle near you!
(Also comes in Balanced: Adult, with a cup of black coffee thrown in; not recommended for children under 10)
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