12/27/2006- The Year in Humor- Preview

Holy crap, I still have a livejournal?

Anyway, some of you may remember that around this time last year I posted... a list of the twelve funniest things I'd heard in 2005 (which seems so very long ago). Well, due to popular demand (namely Jen), I will be doing the same for 2006, probably posting the final list on New Year's Day or possibly before I go out on New Year's Eve.

Over the last few weeks I've gone over my notebook, flagging the quips, exchanges and observations I feel are worth recalling over the last year, and managed to narrow it down to thirty. But obviously some of them had to be cut to keep it to the manageable dozen I decided on last year.

But, fuck that, here's the ones I cut anyway, because they're pretty damn funny too. The ones in bold are the four that almost made the final cut of 12... enjoy.

“I was watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV last night… yo, that Santa’s an asshole.” –Rob, a coworker.

“What if one day I’m living on the street with no hands and I need to whistle for money?!” –Vin Cocozza

“Justice will be served spicy.” – a bus stop ad for “Judge Maria Lopez”’s TV show.

“Tough, tough, tough! Gay, gay, gay! Do the next fucking scene.” –Me performing Mike McGrail and Paul’s scene in Judas Iscariot in their absence

“What’s the plural of fish?”“Fish.”“Except?”“… except when referring to multiple species of fish?”“That’s right!”“Oh, shut up…” -Cari, then me, then Cari, then me, then Cari, then Jen (to me).

“If I leave without giving you your birthday present, I’m gonna murder you.” –Jen, to Michelle.

“Like a jungle cat. An old, wounded jungle cat.” –Me, regarding my own reflexes

“That is a violation of my cupcake’s civil rights.”“Cupcakes don’t have civil rights.”“They have the right to be delicious.” –Devon, then me, then Devon

“You need to specify your package.” – a (female) coworker, regarding part of an insurance policy and not realizing why I started laughing.

“Is that when he does her in the art gallery?”“Art gallery of course being code for ‘butt.’” –Perry, then me

“Chickens don’t have hands, ya fuckin’ retard.” –Jen

“He’s so close, he’s not that far away.” –Yankees radio commentator John Sterling, regarding the positions of Tampa Bay’s shortstop relative to the second baseman during the Giambi overshift.

“Whatever, dude. Babies kick your ass.” –Nancy

“You know, people have no consideration. Do this on a weekend!” – a coworker of mine, regarding someone who committed suicide by throwing himself on a train track, causing rush hour delays.

“It’s not a lie. It’s just a combination of unrelated truths.” -Me

“Okay, okay, now we’re even.”“Even?! You borrow things for a long time; no one wants to love me!” Jen, then me, immediately following a previous exchange.

“Jedi Master Mattel Kaybee.” –Jen

“He’s a doctor, Brendan! Show some respect for a doctor!” –Jen, re: Dr. Michael Hutmaker

The final twelve, in a few days...